Aurora Dimitre's Books and Rambling

So, I'm in North Dakota. We get snow in North Dakota. Usually, we get at least one big blizzard a year, like, maybe don't leave your house kind of blizzard, and if I'm unlucky, this happens when I'm at home for Christmas break, which is about a twenty minute drive into town, where my job is. It's snowing right now, and my dad, who's in town right now, texted to say that it's bad out there, but I don't know if that's because it really is or because he was lying to me to make me feel better about calling in to work. See--I called in yesterday, too, because this blizzard, like any good blizzard, is a multi-day affair. I'm set on going in tomorrow, come hell or high water (even though it matters least tomorrow, because I was supposed to close the adult department today and yesterday), and the whole thing is supposed to end by noon tomorrow, which is when my shift is, but I felt so bad calling in today. Even though the weather's worse today....

One thing that my father does is that he like, can't be not bored with a job if he has it for too long. Right now he's a high school principal, and he's doing weird things with scheduling just so he doesn't get bored and leave, because now, especially since my parents are financially stable, he's reaching the end of his three-or-four-year 'I'm done now' period. I think this is something that I have inherited. I've been working at the library for just over a year now. I've been going to college at the same place for almost four--graduating this spring. I'm very ready to be done. I'm ready to be done at the library. I don't really crave stability, I don't think. I don't think I'll be able to be a traditionally employed kind of person. I don't know.Maybe this is dumb. Maybe I'll get over myself. But I could see myself moving along every two years or three years or so. The dream is head west, like it's 1875 a...

I have one semester of college left. Today I wrote my last final, then finished packing up my car and drove off. It's a half hour drive home. I had Megadeth's "Countdown to Extinction" in my CD player. Last night I drove the other girl in my creative writing night class down to the professor's house for our last meeting and she heard the CD and said it made her think we were doing something more nefarious than just going to the last meeting of memoir, and I remembered that my taste in music is actually a little too hard for people, which is weird cause it's just Megadeth. And now I'm home. I'm sitting on the couch in the sunroom. My dad tore away the wall from the staircase so it's kinda creepy now. The sky looks like layered sherbet, or something, outside; I took a picture for my Instagram. I only have one semester of college left. I don't know what comes next. I don't know at all. I guess next semester I'll start applying for ...

The highs for the week are all in the thirties and forties. This is completely wild. Like--I can go outside without a real coat (not like I have a real coat, anyway, the closest thing I have is a leather jacket with some padding in it), I can go for walks, my car can start without yelling at me. Like, it's nice. It's really, really nice. I figure we're going to get a real winter at some point. Like the kind of winter I'm used to. Fuckton of snow, an inch or two of ice on all roads, temperature lows in the negative teens instead of the positive. Plus that wind chill (okay, we still have the wind, but it's still damn nice out). But I can go outside now. I can go for walks. My favorite thing, absolute best thing to do, is to go for a walk. I like to walk and listen to music, or podcasts, depending; my headphones I use for music are over-the-ear and they keep my ears warmer when it's cold, so even if I decide to go podcast I might put them on overtop anyway. I...

I had my employee evaluation for work today. This wouldn't be worth mentioning, except I figured I should mention that, since I'm graduating, I'm probably not going to be sticking around much later than May. Finals week is next week. After that, I've only got one semester of college left and then I like, gotta be an adult or something. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Or even with my 'career.' Or 'job after college.' Or 'way to not be homeless/living at home with my parents.' And like, I don't think it's super bad? It's just, people ask me what I'm doing once they clear up that I'm just English and not English Ed and I just get to smile and look vaguely at them and say, "Well, the farthest I have planned ahead is I'm dying my hair on Friday." I mean, I know I'll figure something out. Shit usually works out, I've realized. And if I just keep edging west, eventually I'll be. Somew...

So I cut off my hair last night. It's not like my hair was super long, but it's not like I went and had someone who knew what they were doing do it. No, I got back from work (back from an impromptu Hugo's trip, cause ya girl needed powdered soup + wanted fancy pop), dropped my bags, changed into an oversized Guns'n'Roses shirt and Slytherin sweatpants with waistband so stretched you could fit two of me inside, kneeled in front of the mirror slapped on the back of my door, and just started cutting. I think, given the circumstances, it doesn't look too bad.  I mean, given the fact that I do not know how to cut hair, it's not so bad. And to be fair, the bottom half of it was so destroyed from the year and a half I spent bleaching it because, fun fact, hair doesn't like to be scorched with peroxide every two months for a year and a half. It hates it, even if you get to look like Courtney Love and you think that's kind of fun. I'm dying it ...

I  mentioned them in my post I  made about the music I've been listening to since I broke my Walkman (and, therefore, cannot listen to my Metallica cassettes), since I'd just gotten the CD and was minorly obsessed with "Unfortunates" (which I always have to second-guess the title of--this one is "Unfortunates", and the Metallica song is "Unforgiven", which I associate with the WM3, and "Unfortunates" is ABOUT the WM3, Jason Baldwin shared it on his Instagram ). But I'm not just gonna listen to one song and only one song over and over (even if that's definitely what I did the first couple days I had the CD because A Bitch Has No Self-Control, This Is Why I Need Cassettes You Pretty Much Gotta Listen Straight Through). But I've been listening a lot to the album in general, the one I got, Year of the Crow, which was like seven bucks on Amazon last time I checked, for the physical CD at least, and man--they're good. Since i...

Okay, so I know that I'm 21, and I'm not exactly mad about not being more en train to being traditionally published. I'm really not--mad isn't like, the right word for it. But it's something that I think pretty much everyone who aims to be traditionally published feels. It's a sort of, not quite panicky but definitely melancholy feeling. It's writing a million things and socking them away on your hard drive, it's being super confused when anyone compliments your writing. I was one of those 'smart in elementary school' kind of kids. It was not hard to be the smart one in a class of eight, our four, or, I think at our height, around twelve? Thirteen, maybe? My school is, at this point, only doing better than the reservation schools in NoDak. My high school, elementary school, middle school, is in the bottom three per cent. So like, it's not hard to be the smart one in that environment. All that means is you can write a sentence and do your ...