welcome to aurora's world of 'no plans just do'
Apart from my tentative sketches of a self-publishing future, I don't keep set plans. I like to say this is new, but it's really not--I started college going for an English degree with no real idea of what I was going to do with it. I thought, 'well, maybe I'll go to grad school', and then I met people who were going to be going to grad school and I thought, 'never mind.'
Even when I went to college--the college I went to, I went to because I'd already started taking classes there as a high school and figured, well, why not? Beforehand I was planning on going to college in the town I live in now... but that was just because I'd gone to BAIT (Business And Information Technology) camp there a couple of summers. I figured, hell, why not?
The reason I live here now is because I wanted to move out when I graduated college. The reason I quit the library is because I didn't want to be in that town anymore. The reason I quit dispatch is because... well, I hated it, so now I work at a pizza place.
The next step might be coming up. I'll know more at the end of the month, and now that's coming up and so it's starting to feel like there's a real possibility of it being real. One constant throughout all of this has been writing and, to a lesser extent, YouTube and this blog and everything--the stuff I create is the stuff that I plan. The stuff I create is the stuff that matters.
Obviously, other stuff matters. This new job, if I get it--it's something that matters, and I hope I'll feel at least relatively strongly about it. It's hard to feel strongly about cutting pizzas.
Obviously, Steven matters. I love him. But he was another thing I did not plan on happening. I've had a lot of crushes. Normally they go nowhere. Maybe I was more forward than usual this time, but either way, now I've got a dude sleeping in the other room. This time last year I would not have thought I'd be sharing an apartment.
And that really does just sort of exemplify it: if you'd told me last year that I'd have self-published Iscariot, I'd be like, yeah, makes sense. If you'd told me last year that I was working at the pizza place, or that I had a serious boyfriend and by the way he lives with you, or about this now-possibility: the answer would have been 'what the fuck?' because you can't plan this shit.
Well, maybe you can. But I didn't.
Even when I went to college--the college I went to, I went to because I'd already started taking classes there as a high school and figured, well, why not? Beforehand I was planning on going to college in the town I live in now... but that was just because I'd gone to BAIT (Business And Information Technology) camp there a couple of summers. I figured, hell, why not?
The reason I live here now is because I wanted to move out when I graduated college. The reason I quit the library is because I didn't want to be in that town anymore. The reason I quit dispatch is because... well, I hated it, so now I work at a pizza place.
The next step might be coming up. I'll know more at the end of the month, and now that's coming up and so it's starting to feel like there's a real possibility of it being real. One constant throughout all of this has been writing and, to a lesser extent, YouTube and this blog and everything--the stuff I create is the stuff that I plan. The stuff I create is the stuff that matters.
Obviously, other stuff matters. This new job, if I get it--it's something that matters, and I hope I'll feel at least relatively strongly about it. It's hard to feel strongly about cutting pizzas.
Obviously, Steven matters. I love him. But he was another thing I did not plan on happening. I've had a lot of crushes. Normally they go nowhere. Maybe I was more forward than usual this time, but either way, now I've got a dude sleeping in the other room. This time last year I would not have thought I'd be sharing an apartment.
And that really does just sort of exemplify it: if you'd told me last year that I'd have self-published Iscariot, I'd be like, yeah, makes sense. If you'd told me last year that I was working at the pizza place, or that I had a serious boyfriend and by the way he lives with you, or about this now-possibility: the answer would have been 'what the fuck?' because you can't plan this shit.
Well, maybe you can. But I didn't.
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